Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Colour of my Heart

I hear that some of you are a wee bit skeptical about my result on the “What Color is Your Heart?” quiz. For those who missed it, the color of my heart is yellow. “You are very energetic and like to be in the center of everything. Some may see you as slightly tiring, but they like to be around you because you make them feel alive. You see the bright side of things and get annoyed when others don’t.”

OK, maybe that’s not exactly me. Perhaps, although my heart is yellow, my aura could be getting in its way. I need to figure out what color my aura is, and the way to do that is, of course to take the quiz.

As it turns out, my aura is yellow. It “speaks of joy, freedom, non-attachment, freeing or releasing vital forces. People who glow yellow are full of inner joy, very generous and not attached to anything. Yellow halo around the head: high spiritual development. A signature of a spiritual teacher, “ and goes on to compare me to Buddha and Christ. Hmmm. Right.

Hey, you, yes you. I can hear that laughter from here. My kids are trying to sleep, so could you please keep it down? Thanks.

Now, where was I. Oh yes, it must be my personality that’s the problem, getting in the way of my intrinsic inner yellowness. So, which color best suits my personality? It’s..........wait for it.......... yellow. I am a “bright happy person” and I “just wish that everyone could be as simply joyful” as I am. I am the “optimist in the group.”

Maybe the quizzes are right. I was once described by a close friend as a “closet optimist” for secretly always seeing the best in people, yet keeping it very, very, very, very well hidden. That’s once in 40 years, by the way.

More likely my results have a simpler explanation, one that the crack team of quiz makers capitalized on. My favourite colour happens to be yellow.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Thanks, Jevon

Jevon is the son of a friend of mine. He is 10 years old. He has recently figured out how to create Facebook quizzes. I took one of his quizzes called "Are you Awesome enough to pass this test?"

Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while will recall that back in September I discovered that I am, in fact, only 70% awesome (and 78% cool). When I saw Jevon's quiz I was excited. Here, finally, was a chance to redeem myself and let my true awesomeness shine through.

Sadly, according to Jevon, I am only middle awesome.


Saturday, January 16, 2010

In Which I Reveal my Secret Super Power

I have long held the belief that everyone has a super power. You may already know your power. Luckily, for those who don’t, Facebook can help you out. As of this writing, there are 47 different quizzes that will tell you your super power. In the interest of public service I tried five of them.

It turns out I have the power to read minds. My mind reading abilities apparently don’t extend to electronic devices, however, because this result surprised me. Let me clarify that. It doesn’t surprise me that mind reading would be my power. Five years living in a country where you don’t speak the language will give anyone extraordinary abilities to read people. What surprised me was how consistent the different quizzes were. The “Your Super Power” quiz pegged me as a mind reader, “What is your Inner Super Power” said mine was mind reading, “What is your Latent Super Power” said I have x-ray vision, and “What Super Power Should you Have” assigned me the ability of persuasion. The only outlier was “What Super Power do you Have?” which told me I could time travel.

Four out of five quizzes more or less agreed. It’s as though a million monkeys randomly typing on a million keyboards have finally written Hamlet. That’s good news for all of you who have yet to learn your power.

When you do discover your power, I hope it’s something useful. Forget invisibility, flying, and the ability to walk through walls. I hope you have a power like Jenny, a woman I knew years ago who could sleep anywhere, anytime, or my friend Jill who has mastery over the art of etiquette and the writing of letters of complaint. I wish you the power of Lisa, who can cook perfect rice every time, RuthAnn, whose sense of smell rivals that of a bloodhound, or Cassia, whose organizational skills properly harnessed would allow her to run several small countries, and still have time to help her son with homework and remodel the bathroom on the weekends.

There are other useful powers out there too, like the power to get children ready and out the door on time, or the power to do laundry without losing any socks. There are some I wish existed, like the power to de-ice a windshield with a single glance, or the one I most fervently want: the power to banish people who annoy me to Antarctica where they will live out the remainder of their lives believing they are emperor penguins. Unfortunately that power requires more than just mind reading, it requires mind control, and I’m not so good at that.

Anyway, mind reading isn’t my true super power. My actual power is colour vision. Really. I discovered it in graduate school when I tried to help out a friend by being a subject in his perception experiment. He kicked me out for being able to see colors people aren’t supposed to see. Then he ran me again, because, you know, it wasn’t possible for me to actually be able to see them. I could.

Now you know, if you ever need to match paint samples, or find out whether the clothes you are wearing clash, I’m your woman.