If it's Saturday I'm not Home

Mystic Meg says that I will soon find new love with a man I meet on a Saturday. She seems to think this is good news. Clearly, she has not used her powers of clairvoyance to get to know me very well. The last thing I need in my life right now is the added complication of a relationship.

Besides, it would be unfair to the man because I am evil. In fact, you might call me an evil genius, because if I'm your friend, it's a good bet you think of me as your smart friend. The quizzes told me. I may not be awesome or cool, but evil, smart and evil, I can get behind that.

And the reason I can get behind it, and admit to getting behind it, is because I am as easy to read as that giant E on the Snellen eye chart. I long ago learned not to even both trying to be coy or mysterious. There's no point, because the only person I can ever fool is me. That's why I was excited to take the "What is Your Dark Secret?" quiz. I thought I might learn something new and deep about myself. I also wasn't surprised when it told me that I don't have a secret, a little disappointed, but not surprised.

There is a good side to being so transparent, I must admit. People know that with me, what you see is mostly what you get, and what I say I mean. There is a bad side too, because sometimes what you mean is definitely not what you should say. Ask me how I know. Just don't ask me on a Saturday. Thanks to Meg I'll be locked in the house avoiding men, pretending not to be home.